Chinedu Opara

Relocation – 05 – Housing

Wherever you go, you’ll need a place to stay. There are some things to consider when it comes to housing in Colombia.

General Considerations

Most apartments, especially in the newer buildings/developments, have tiny, barely-there kitchens. In some buildings, showerheads and toilet seats are optional.

In some older buildings, you’re not supposed to flush your toilet paper down the toilet! That’s right – Due to the fragile sewer pipe systems, the common post-wiping practice is to wrap it up in more TP, and put it in the trash can. And that is why general garbage disposal occurs multiple times a week, not just once a week like in the USA. Also, that’s why most residences have SMALL trash cans (compared to the ones States-side).
AirBnB listings don’t always have enough media to paint a true picture of the living space. It seems that sometimes hosts – subconsciously or intentionally – obscure some potentially important information. Plus, the review system has a deep system flaw – I might talk about this in a separate article.
Many of the apartments are not well-designed for practicality and comfort. Some of this is due to lack of budget, but also some of it is due to basic lack of knowledge and architectural planning. For instance, a house/apartment might have a decent-size living room, but the bathroom is cramped, and the toilet is against the wall… meaning it’s practically unusable for any human being with two legs and a functioning butt. Another example might be the kitchen… even if you find a place that has a decent-sized kitchen, there’s no space for a microwave oven, let alone both microwave and toaster. You might be able to put one in a cabinet (if one exists), but then realize that the power cable cannot reach the power outlet.
Little things like that, which are “obvious” bad design choices by North American standards, and yet are just “the way it is” in Colombia.

This means that, in order to live in a modern, well-designed residence in a city in Colombia, be prepared to live in a more “posh”, perhaps touristy neighborhood (like my homie Christian in this video below) and pay close to USA prices for practically everything including utilities, thus negating at least one major one benefit of living in Colombia.

The other (and I think better) alternative, would be to buy land and build your own house. But that’s a whole other can of worms.

Housing Search

When looking for a place to stay short-term (2-4 weeks), your “safest” bet is probably AirBnB… a good host will have at least a decent minimum level of cleanliness and turnover. When you’re ready to stay longer, then it might be more cost-effective to negotiate a monthly rate directly with your AirBnB host, and hope they are open to that. Otherwise, you can look for rentals on places like MetroCuadrado, CienCuadras, and Properati. There’s also Facebook, but it’s chock-full of misinformation (of course) and scammers… you have to watch out for “gringo pricing” and false advertisements.

Since a lot of people don’t advertise online (Developing Country, remember?) it’s also a great idea to walk around the neighborhood you like, look for “for rent” signs, and make contact. You should have a native Spanish speaker do the initial communication and negotiation, so that you minimize the risk of getting gringo-priced.

This is worth mentioning: While you’re still overseas, do NOT send any advance “deposit” to any landlord or apartment rental agency in Colombia. More often than not, you will never see that “deposit” again – when you arrive in Colombia, the recipient of said funds will ghost you. In fact, you shouldn’t even need to pay a deposit.

Best approach? It’s simple:

  1. Stay at a short-term AirBnB first, then go searching for longer-term housing. Take tours of the apartments and neighborhood.
  2. When in the apartment, check ALL the amenities for functionality (don’t just take their word for it).
  3. When you find a place you like, offer to pay cash for 2-3 months up-front. 99% of legitimate landlords will happily draw up the contract, take your money, and handover the keys 🤑

My Experiences

When I visited Colombia this time, I stayed in 4 different places: two in Barranquilla, two in Cartagena. Here are the reviews. Note: I just copied the reviews from AirBnB, so they are written in mixed tenses and I’m too lazy to re-edit them for my blog, haha!

AirBnB – Barranquilla (Beatriz Elena’s Place, Unico Mall District)

Very nice spot. Very nice indeed. The location is fantastic! It’s near a corner of a semi-busy road, so lots of buses go by, and it’s easy for taxis and delivery drivers to find. However, I walked most of the time I was there… Beatriz’ place is just a brisk 10-minute walk from Unico Outlet Mall, about the same distance from Éxito (the San Francisco location), and literally 2-3 city blocks away from at least 3 grocery stores. The area has various shops, small eateries, and fruit stands. Easy access to all kinds of shopping. Despite the proximity to “all the action”, the room is quiet… not once was there enough “volume” seeping in from outside, to disturb my sleep.

Now about the inside of the AirBnB itself. Be aware: this is a “small” space, basically a master bedroom with a small kitchenette, small fridge, and decent bathroom. So, if you’re like me and you enjoy cooking a variety of cuisine and storing big pots of food, just re-strategize – your cooking options will be very limited. Other than THAT minor caveat, everything in the listing is accurate.

The property is Estrato 4. The water pressure is good. The space has some ventilation. The sinks drain quickly enough. All the electrical outlets work. All the appliances – A/C, microwave, fridge, television, iron, network router – all clean and functional. The bedroom door locks. The internet speed is higher than average (110Mbps up/10Mbps down – I ran 15 iterations of network speed tests), and the WiFi is fast. The clothing cabinet is sizable, and the room has enough shelving and storage spaces. The host provides weekly housekeeping.

Aside from all that technical stuff, the host (Beatriz) is the best host I’ve ever had 🤩 and I don’t say things like this lightly. She has a good demeanor, and is actively learning English. She is communicative, attentive, and helpful. Whatever I asked for (within reason, of course), she did her best to provide it or change it. In a few instances, this retiree went ABOVE AND BEYOND the call of duty as an AirBnB host to a complete stranger. She basically stole my heart with kindness and compassion. Can I also be a little superficial and say she’s cute? Yeah she’s cute 😉

Honestly, if the overall space was slightly bigger (or at least if the kitchen and fridge were bigger), I’d have just stayed there for my entire 3 months… and then when I return to Colombia, maybe even stayed there semi-permanently as a long-term renter! Under Beatriz’ watch, I didn’t lack anything as an AirBnB guest.

Y’see, Attentiveness, Trust, and Reliability are uncommon in Colombia… so when one finds it, one must cherish it. Simply put, Beatriz is an awesome host. The #1 Host in the world, as far I am concerned 🏆👑 Real talk, though? I almost want to keep this Rare Find all to myself, haha! But such treasure was meant to be shared with fellow travelers. Therefore, I have no doubt that you’ll enjoy your time at Beatriz Elena’s place.

Apartment – Barranquilla (San Vicente District)

After lots of searching, with the help of my new bilingual friend and occasional Personal Assistant “Nita”, I found this ground-floor estrato 5 apartment in the San Vicente area. Secured building with 24/7 lobby security, lots of ventilation albeit with the accompanying dust and fumes from outside, non-functional air-conditioning unit (I didn’t really need it anyway), functioning washer, and lots of spaces to air-dry clothes. The apartment didn’t get any direct sunlight meaning it didn’t help with my depression, but also meant that the unit never got too hot.

Despite some quirks, overall it was a pretty decent apartment, in a wonderful damn near perfect location: easy to find, 10 minute walk to the local Smart Fit gym, 5-10 minute walk to lots of medical centers, 5-minute walk to the popular bus routes, and 10 minute walk to Viva Mall.

AirBnB – Cartagena (Martha’s Place, Marbella District)

Seemingly well-equipped, albeit not well organized. Likely due to the lack of space. Just like many buildings in the developed and semi-developed towns and cities of Colombia, space is (apparently!) at a premium, so even though – for example – the kitchen was better-equipped than many other listings, things were terribly cramped, and often didn’t make sense from a usability perspective. Also, most of the pots, pans, and tupperware had no lids (but at least there WAS some tupperware, haha). The kitchen has no counter, but there is a separator that doubles as usable space, at least. If there were bar stools, part of that separator could be used as a bar of sorts.

There were plenty of insects around, especially in the kitchen area. I also spotted several baby and adolescent cockroaches. On the 2nd morning, I woke up with a dead bug on the bed next to me (and no, that wasn’t a euphemism for a One-Night Stand, ROFLMAO)! The caretaker apologized profusely for the inconvenience, and provided additional bug spray. I spotted two geckos – or maybe it was the same one – roaming around inside the apartment. In my native culture, geckos in the house are considered Good Luck, plus they help with the insect problem. I imagine that the geckos never go hungry in the apartment. Especially since, on a few occasions, I came down to the kitchen to find a bunch of baby roaches (or whatever urban bugs they were) scattering across the counter as if I had interrupted their morning conference 😠

On a side-note, for the first time ever, I got food poisoning in Colombia (more on that in a later blog post). I strongly believe it’s because I foolishly ate at an unsanitary outdoor market… but it’s not a good feeling to think that it ALSO might have been something I picked up from this AirBnB where I should have felt relatively “safe” from such things.
The unit has a lot of “rough edges”, things seemingly done/fixed in a slapdash way, with almost no attention to details or actual practical usability (this is very common in Colombia). It also seems like they didn’t “refresh” the unit after the previous guest. For example… the dish sponge was old and disgusting, the sandwich maker was rusted and grimy on the inside, and there was lint and dirt (and a few cockroach eggs) in almost all the corners of the apartment. Those were just a few things I observed. CLEARLY there was no cleaning done in-between guests. I could make a complaint to AirBnB, but I long ago dropped any expectations of Cleanliness or Sanitary expectations in the non-wealthy, non-posh parts of Colombian cities.
Cleaning and construction material were still in the unit, albeit stored in the downstairs shower – it would have been nice if that downstairs shower was open and usable, but no matter. There are parts of the unit that look unfinished, and there are several unsealed holes in/out of the walls. I suspect that makes the insect problem worse. You can tell that they did a “rush job” to get the place barely livable, left all the work material here, and just moved on. It’s a bit upsetting, but hey… Colombia, amirite?
The shower pressure was great! And the shower drain flows at a good speed, so I was never standing in my own filth, thank the gods.
The WiFi signal was STRONG – I could watch a video in 720p while simultaneously delivering an ESL lesson via Zoom. The only snag was, in the early morning of my checkout day, the Internet service went offline. Rebooting the router didn’t fix the problem – the WiFi was fine, but the internet service was offline.
Remember, the building is across from the beach, but there is NO BEACH VIEW, just a view to more (ugly) buildings. Fortunately, they were far enough away that the unit gets lots of natural sunlight – on the ground floor, and in one of the bedrooms upstairs. The unit also has SOME ventilation, aided by 3 fans… one in each bedroom, and one downstairs.
The caretaker, Leonela, is a young lady who’s still learning Basic English. She was kind enough to send me a video off the shower BEFORE my cut-off date for cancellation. When I arrived, she was professional enough, showed me around the unit, and during the first 48 hours, she was available via WhatsApp to help with some of the deficiencies or things I needed. However she wasn’t very personable or responsive to ANYTHING beyond the apartment issues.
Some days later when I needed some help (with the washer/dryer combo) she was unresponsive. She said she had been sick, but based on my social experiences (especially with non-elderly women in Colombia), I had a very hard time believing her. This is actually a common trend in Colombia, as far as I have experienced… People often lie needlessly or “disappear” for hours, even days at a time, especially people who deal with foreigners – though I heard from a few locals that even locals do the same thing to one another.
One reason might be cellular network issues, another obvious one is that they run out of data (poverty and all that). But much of the “disappearances” seem to be quite intentional, again, especially when dealing with non-native speakers or foreigners. I guess they don’t want to be bothered, unless we’re giving them money. And sometimes not even then.
This has no impact on the rating of this listing, but it’s something to keep in mind if your previous host was sweet, caring, available, and attentive on a personal/human level. Por ejemplo, my previous host, in Barranquilla who barely spoke any English at all, checked up on me every other day, gave me a small loan when I needed some cash before I opened my bank account, sent her husband to pick me up when I was temporarily stranded, and proactively engaged me with regular Language Exchanges. Not so much THIS caretaker, haha! Again, this isn’t a demerit against Martha’s actual AirBnB listing, it’s just an expectation-setter, especially if traveling solo. Summary: If you’re dealing with Leonela the caretaker, get all the assistance, information, and demos you need ASAP upon your day of arrival.
The front desk staff was cool, even if a bit stone-faced and “detached” in general. Still, I introduced myself, asked their names, gave first bumps, and always greeted them when going in and out of the building. As a result, I had zero problems having guests occasionally. There’s also a little convenience store in the lobby, so that was nice.

All in all, Martha’s AirBnB was and is a BUDGET listing – I was willing to take the risk, and I learned a lot about what NOT to do. Could I have paid 3x more to be in a better place, have an actual ocean view, and get better service? Sure, maybe… but due to lack of regulation and a severe lack of Customer Service or Maintenance mindset in Colombia, there is no guarantee that additional costs will secure higher quality. Unless something changes drastically about this listing, I doubt I’ll ever stay here again… unless it’s literally just an emergency night or two. HOWEVER, let me be clear, it doesn’t mean that this listing is bad for EVERYONE, but it just wasn’t great for ME. Your mileage might vary. Buena suerte!

AirBnB – Cartagena (Reinando’s Place, Crespo District)

After I got food poisoning – and maybe also Dengue Fever from the insects at Martha’s Place – I decided to extend my stay in Cartagena for a few nights, to give my body time to heal. I found another budget listing, this time in a barrio called Crespo, a little further away from the beach (but still within a 12 minute walk). It was a far less glamorous, less developed, working-class neighborhood. Lots of gated houses, which makes sense to a Nigerian. The building itself is owned by the host (Reinando), and managed by his caretaker (Esperanza). He has multiple apartments, with more being constructed while I was there.

The host and the caretaker were both fairly responsive, both spoke Spanish at “normal” speed (not Cartagena speed), and just a little English, enough to mesh with my A1 Spanish and have basic conversations above and beyond the Functional stuff. Also, the caretaker was very nice to me. When she saw I was struggling to find a pharmacy and get more medication for my fever, she personally escorted me to several shops to buy what I needed. We had a nice Language Exchange during our walk!

Ezperanza and I, Walking Back from the Pharmacy
The inside of the AirBnB was nicer and functionally better than the one in Marbella, but it still had the same “cramming too much into tiny spaces” problem so common in the Colombian cities. I still had an insect problem, this time in the first bed. The caretaker transferred me to another bedroom, which was OK. They later provided me with bug spray. Still, I went to the local supermarket and bought some “insect incense”, and burned one in each bedroom, during the evening just before bed. This brought back memories of my childhood in Nigeria.

The kitchen was small (as usual)… even with plenty of space into which it could have been expanded? I really don’t understand this “tiny or non-existent kitchen” mindset. There was a few inches of counter space, a full-size fridge (love it!), and an island that doubled as a sink and eating area. The chairs were too low to use as actual dining chairs, but they existed. I just stacked some pillows on one, and sat there to eat. The sandwich maker had not been cleaned since the last use, but at least the grime and dirt came off with soap and firm scrubbing… it wasn’t all rusted and moldy like at Martha’s AirBnB.
The Wifi was good… when it worked. Unfortunately it went off and on quite frequently throughout my few days stay. I was able to do video calls and watch a few shows with only a handful of network interruptions. I just had to stay in a particular spot in the living room.
In general, the Canapote AirBnB was definitely overall better than the one in Marbella. I would stay with Reinando and Esperanza again!
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