Every culture has their own unique set of social and cultural norms. This section describes my unique experiences and observations (both overt and and anonymous).

By the way, if you think Colombia is 100% perfect, or you’re offended by a traveler’s candid explanations of their unique experiences and observations, or if you don’t “get” weird/cutting/sardonic humor, then THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR YOU. So please, go elsewhere, thank you.

Gender Interactions

I observed that Colombian men are simply not as sexually repressed and “hair triggered” as men in the dUSA… simple pleasantries that would be met with assumptions of homosexuality (and subsequent interpersonal violence, either physical or virtual) in the USA, are simply basic humanity-affirming pleasantries in Colombia. However, many of the people are STILL pretty openly homophobic (and un-PC about it, obviously), so this presents an interesting paradox.

I reconnected with Octavio, an old acquaintance from 2021. One of the few reliable people I met in Colombia.

For single hetero men – if your Spanish is not at B2 level at least, and you’re not wealthy, flashy, charismatic, and well-connected… don’t bother trying to meet a loyal, committed, family woman for a genuine relationship, because you will likely fail. If you’re not “super-handsome”, your Spanish is rudimentary, and you follow the “no dar papaya” rule… you’ll most likely be limited to sex workers, scammers, psychos, and maybe all of the above. This is the harsh reality I had to observe AND experience for myself.

I’m not saying it’s impossible to develop a meaningful serious romantic and family-focused relationship somewhere in Colombia, but be prepared to put in the time, effort, and finances. This means actually LIVING in the country, getting involved with local community events, in different small towns, for a LONG time. A VERY long time.

Communication and Commitment

Colombian people LIE regularly, and – to the average Westerner – often seemingly needlessly. For example, you might approach an idle store clerk, seeking a particular product. Instead of them saying, “I don’t know, let’s check some aisles”, they’ll just say, “No”. Sometimes it’s laziness, sometimes it’s legitimate. One theory I heard from a bilingual expat is that they – the Colombians – might be embarrassed or ashamed to not know something, so they’ll answer in a way that “saves face”, even if it’s misleading, confusing, or a flat-out lie 🤔 This phenomenon has been corroborated by multiple other people, both locals and expats.

Also – and this is for the hetero single men reading this – the vast majority of the “single” women within childbearing age, often lie about their relationship status, agree to dates even when they have no intention of going, and often just “disappear”, sometimes for days at a time. For example, you might approach a single lady – not a sex worker, but a non-escort with a regular day job – make small talk, then politely invite her to meet for dinner and drinks. She’ll smile, exchange legitimate numbers, and agree with seemingly unambiguous language (“Sure” or “Yes”)… and then proceed to ignore your texts and calls, and disappear for days. Then, days later, she might text back, “Hola como estas”.

It turns out that phrases like “Maybe”, “We’ll see”, or “I’ll let you know” all translate to “No”. In fact, in many cases, even “Yes, sure” also means “No”.

Seriously, WTF 😂

In all cases – professional or personal – apparently the people who have this communication problem, HATE being called out, be it privately or publicly. Word on the street, is that there have been incidents of verbal and/or physical violence when Colombians are “called out” on their BS.

In other words, Colombian culture does NOT value nor support honesty in communication, reliability, or loyalty. The only interactions that you can “trust” to go as planned, are transactional. For example, buying or selling food, buying or selling sex, paying for a housekeeper, paying your hairdresser, hiring a taxi, and so on. “Basic Survival” sh!t. It makes one wonder how ANYthing gets done in Colombia, right? A funny and knowledegable local heard me ask that rhetorical question, and answered, “That’s just it, bro – nothing gets done in Colombia” 🤷🏾‍♀️ 🙂

Group pic in Soledad with buddies of a temporary acquaintance. Fun fact: almost everyone in this picture is flakey. Even other people confirmed “that’s just how it is out here, dawg” 🤷🏾‍♀️ The Barranquilla social culture is SO WEIRD, you guys! 😅

As always, these observations and experiences do NOT mean that the ENTIRE country is populated by poor communicators, charlatans, gas-lighters, and liars. That would be unrealistic and logistically unsustainable – the country would be in far worse shape than it currently is!

I suspect that this flakiness and needless dishonesty is how MOST everyday non-elite Colombians interact with most FOREIGNERS (depending on context and language/cultural barrier). I have personally met a precious few seemingly honest, trustworthy, and communicative individuals. Even if our connection was or ends up being short-lived, clearly these people DO exist, albeit less visibly, so one might have to scout broader – and wait longer – to encounter them.

Just as in most Developing Nations that have high rates of poverty and illiteracy, the greatest and rarest resource in Colombia, is TRUST. If you can find trustworthy and reliable people – whether in the social circles or professional circles – that’s worth more than diamonds and gold – sometimes literally!

Racism and Classism

There’s no denying the fact that heavily-melanated people – especially men – are socially the least-desired and least-tolerated demographic on planet Earth. This is on full display in places like China and Ukraine, while being “socially unacceptable but systematically enforced” in places like the USA. However, some might be surprised at how much it factors into life in Colombia. From job opportunities to dating to dining… it is pervasive.

For example – and this is aimed at single men within my demographic – the majority of Colombianas of healthy childbearing age, if given a choice, would much rather have a baby with a mediocre, philandering white/Caucasian man, than a financially stable, loyal black man. While most Colombians “on the ground” will say that there’s no racism (in order to “save face”, I guess?) their behaviors – how they treat afro-Colombians, the jobs available to qualified dark-skinned Colombians, the dating and mating choices that the single women make – all these Revealed Preferences tell the REAL story.

Two amazing nights confirmed that THIS chica was NOT prejudiced, haha 😁

Again, this is not a uniquely Colombian issue: Non-Celebrity, non-Wealthy Black men are the least-desirable mates on Earth. Including in the disUnited States of America, where the discrimination rises above mere Classism and into Pure Existential Anti-Negro Hatred For No Other Damn Reason Other Than Negros Exist And Sometimes Do OK In Life. A “developed” country where a disturbingly large demographic desires and VOTES to literally bring back chattel slavery. But that’s a story for a different post.

Fortunately, slavery in Colombia ended relatively peacefully, and former slaves were allowed and even encouraged to reintegrate with the rest of Colombian society. Yet, the on-the-ground anti-negro discrimination (dating, mating, job openings, etc), as well as the self-hatred and flakiness within the afro-Colombian demographic itself, make it clear that the country still has a long way to go when it comes to race relations and Classism.

Overall Impressions

Just like any process that involves human Individualism and Agency, there are multiple relevant factors and varying levels of risk, effort, and ROI. You will need to balance the pros and cons of dealing with an alien culture where Loyalty, Truthfulness, and Keeping Promises, are not valued qualities. Therefore, it is critical to maintain very low, borderline non-existent, expectations of Colombian people. That way, you’ll be fortified – financially, logistically, and emotionally – against the inevitable disappointments during the execution of YOUR relocation strategy.

I met some good folks in Barranquilla, so for a fact they DO exist! You just might have to wade through a LOT of junk, spend a lot of money, and exercise tons of patience, to encounter and connect with them. If you do get lucky and connect with a few Good Ones, they can theoretically be a good strong support system, making your stay in Colombia more solid and enjoyable. Buena suerte! 🤞🏾