It’s taken me so long to write this article, because even though I got over her a long time ago, (literally less than 60 days after the final breakup), I have been busy with life. Therefore, it took me quite a long time to gather the courage to write (basically “trauma-dump” 😅) about this bittersweet phase of my Colombia Relocation journey and hopefully help others avoid my mistakes.

In any case, I finally did it… I finally wrote the saga of My First Colombian Girlfriend ™️ Yarelis.

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️
This article contains personably identifiable information, sexually suggestive images, sadness, “dirty laundry”, pain, an intimate “trauma-dump”, and phrases that might come off as offensive or “misogynistic” to some readers.

If these might bother you, please click this link and read a more fun article. This article is not meant to be slick and professional, and I make no apologies for using my own unique voice on my own blog. If you choose to proceed, consider yourself warned. Thanks!

PS: Also, for any low-IQ readers who still believe that black men are emotionless apes who should not express any emotions beyond hate, anger, and lust… don’t bother trying to mock or shame me for being human… that shit doesn’t work on me anymore 🤷🏽‍♂️😊

1. How We Met
2. Honeymoon Phase
3. Birthday Trip to Aruba
4. Observations and Red Flags
5. First Breakup
   1. A Temporary Reconciliation
6. Final Breakup
   1. Attempted Extortion
7. Aftermath
8. Lessons Learned
9. Final “Fuck You, Fuck Off” Letter
   1. Did She Read It?
   2. Did I Want Her Back?
   3. Why Was I Being “Nice” In The Letter?
10. Conclusion

How We Met

Sometime in November 2022, before I moved to Colombia, I started communicating with someone on Bumble. Her name was Yarelis, a beautiful (to me), in-shape, 31-year-old Afrocolombiana, living child-free in Barranquilla with her mother, sister, and niece in a mostly-black neighborhood called Nueva Colombia.

I had just turned 48 at the time, and I was fully employed and working virtually. I was doing well financially and – aside from the one-time medical emergency – physically.

When I finally made it to Barranquilla and got temporarily set up in my tiny overpriced AirBnB in the estrato 5 Garden Plaza district, Yarelis and I finally had our first date.

To make a long story short, it went VERY well 🤗

Honeymoon Phase

The dates were great, the sex was absolutely incredible, and despite the tough language barrier (I was still at Spanish level A1+, while she spoke Costeñol), Yarelis and I seemed to get along most of the time.

She liked the beach, so we took a couple of short trips to Santa Marta, among other fun excursions within and outside of Barranquilla.

We went on double-dates and had game nights with my friend Chris and HIS then-girlfriend (another Costeña) who lived with him.

Eventually I introduced Yarelis (via video) to my brother in the USA. Not long after that, after 2 months into our relationship, she said she was in love with me, and I could feel myself getting close to that point as well. We talked about our reproductive health, having a kid together, getting married, getting my residency visa, and building a humble but stable home together.

I become quite optimistic about my future – I really started believing that I had made a good decision moving to Colombia, where I had gotten lucky and found Mrs. Right on the first try!

I was having almost no more depressive episodes, and I actually allowed myself to be happy for a change.

Birthday Trip to Aruba

In early 2023, she convinced me to take her to Aruba for her birthday. Foolishly, I fell for the cajoling and planned the trip. It was her very first international trip, and the first stamp on her passport. To be fair, I didn’t mind visiting Aruba for the first time and getting that priceless experience.

So, yes, I spent over $4,000 on an island vacation with the person who I thought was my legitimate girlfriend and future wife.

First Breakup

The first real cracks in the relationship started when with me merely asking her to reciprocate more in our relationship. Despite all the financial support I gave her – clothes, gym gear, schoolbooks and uniforms, medicines, skin care products, cosmetics, random trips, daily transportation, random grocery shopping, random household items and repairs – she didn’t want to cook for me, clean my apartment, learn more English, or support me emotionally. She didn’t even want to make the effort. And yet she had the nerve to complain about me not doing enough for her 😡

So I decided to cut my losses and break things off. I packed up her belongings in a box, had her pick it up, and deleted her door code so that she no longer had access to my apartment.

However, she wouldn’t let me go so easily. She kept calling and messaging me, and she convinced me to meet her in the same Jumbo Americano shopping center where I was doing some grocery shopping anyway.

A Temporary Reconciliation

When we met, we sat and talked (mostly using Google Translate, of course). She said that we shouldn’t be pursuing a romantic relationship anymore, but that she would be OK if we were “special friends”. At the time, I wasn’t sure what she really meant, so I took it at face value (because I am an autistic late-bloomer and didn’t know when someone was offering to be Friends With Benefits 🤦🏽‍♂️).

She wanted to go back to my crib with me to grab a nice bracelet that she had left behind. When we got there, some good memories came back. As we hugged before she left, on a whim I asked her to just stay longer, finish watching Guardians of the Galaxy, and have dinner with me.

During dinner we talked some more and seemingly reconciled – we agreed to try and get back to the way they were (not ideal, but I genuinely but naively thought we had a good thing and could work things out).

I was wrong. This phase didn’t last, and it wasn’t long before we had our…

Final Breakup

It just so happened that the apartment came with an old, barely working stove – it was unstable and often had “mini-explosions” of gas every time I turned it on, and the flames were unstable. Basically, it was a literal ticking time bomb. Therefore, out of an abundance of caution and for my own personal safety, I bought a replacement from Homecenter and had it installed.

Yarelis happened to come and visit with me the same day when the handyman was doing the installation. When she saw that I had replaced it, she got upset because she had wanted me to buy her a pair of jeans instead (she already had plenty of nice clothes, some of which I bought for her). She didn’t give a shit about my reason for replacing the stovetop, nor did she care about my safety; all she cared about was that I wasn’t spending more of my funds on HER superficial wants. She threw a temper tantrum and left.

I finally put my foot down and messaged her to not come back except to pick up her few belongings from the lobby where I later took them.

Attempted Extortion

I thought I was finally done with the freeloading bitch. But some days later, she showed her true Costeña colors by sending me threatening messages, all in apparent attempts to upset or scare me.

I took to social media to research this. It turned out that it had happened (and continues happening) to MANY other men in Colombia. I also told a few trusted people personally – including two colombianas – and they confirmed that the empty threats were a common extortion tactic (she wanted money). They advised me to ignore it, continue taking normal common-sense precautions, and not worry about it because I did nothing wrong.

The bilingual helper that Yarelis introduced me to, told me that Yarelis had new photos on Facebook of her and some Colombian guy… most likely her “barrio boyfriend”, or actual husband. It could also be a foreign “client” who’s paying her enough to upload their couple photos (but I still think it was her real man, her “barrio boyfriend”).

Later on, when I installed Snapchat briefly to resolve an issue, the app sent me a “this person you might know is on Snapchat” alert, and it was Yarelis… and she had a typical “sugar baby” profile:

I didn’t even bother to dig deeper. Those few final pieces of evidence confirmed that she was indeed an undercover whore – and still is – a fake, dishonest, vile, intractably toxic, trash human being, a typical soulless gold digger.

Aftermath

Not gonna lie, I struggled with “taking the L” after all those months with Yarelis the undercover whore. Even though the entire episode eventually blew over, and I had learned my lessons, I was obviously deeply disappointed. Sure, I had gained “new wisdom” that enabled me to more readily detect other Yarelis-like women and avoid them (or engage with them differently). I became more distrustful, and I resumed having long and deep episodes of depression, almost as bad as when I was in the USA. Sure, I was still meeting random Costeñas and I was having enough sex to meet my Basic Human Needs… but that wasn’t what my heart craved.

As a result, my actual dating life went downhill and STAYED there.

Even leaving Barranquilla for Cali didn’t improve my chances in finding a compatible woman who wanted a monogamous romantic relationship with me, because I was only able to stay in Cali for 6 months. In fact, my time in Cali was really only 3 months because of the combined madness of finding an apartment, moving in, then a little while later applying for a visa twice, getting rejected twice, selling as many of my belongings as I could, and traveling out of the country so as not to overstay.

Of course, despite my healthy lifestyle, I am aging every hour, just like practically every living thing on Earth… and we all know that for non-wealthy people, dating and mating prospects generally only worsen with age.

I was shaken, but eventually I GOT OVER IT.

ℹ️ Let me be clear ℹ️
I fucking GOT OVER IT. I got over her a long while ago. If not, I’d have not been able to write this long-ass article 😆

Lessons Learned

Many men would never openly acknowledge any of this (they call it “airing dirty laundry”), but I am NOT like those men. I believe that one can motivate oneself to do better next time… by holding oneself accountable and openly acknowledging the lessons learned. In my case:

• I really thought I had hit the jackpot immediately upon leaving the USA, but as the classic adage goes, “If it sounds too good to be true, it almost always is” 😔
  
• This deception by Colombian gold diggers is apparently a well-known rite of passage for naive single men (simps and non-simps alike), even if almost all of us are too embarrassed or “macho” to talk about our own experiences as victims. Therefore, I am not alone in this… I can’t be too angry at myself
  
• It’s a bad idea to “put the cart before the horse”. I should NOT have furnished and equipped that Barranquilla apartment UNTIL I was SURE that Yarelis was 100% legitimate AND that we were both SURE we wanted to stay in that town.
  
• If a woman legitimately loves me and only me, she will not disappear for half-days at a time. She will do her best to make sure that we can reach each other at any time, day or night.
  
• If a woman, who is active on social media, legitimately claims me… she WILL proudly post photos of us together on her social media. If she doesn’t, that’s a red flag 🚩
  
• The inevitable cultural and language barriers are only magnified when the two individuals have very different levels of education (formal or informal) or have different goals in the relationship. In other words, “Even being 100% fluent in the language isn’t enough – you have to be sufficiently aligned in other ways”.
  
• I need to be more discerning and stop “throwing pearls to swine”, because very few women understand nor appreciate the good qualities, character, and life-stabilizing values that I bring to the table. In Colombia especially, all they see and understand is up-front money, and only the short-term benefit.
  
• I have to pay closer attention to my natural instincts. I am not a stupid man, and I have enough age, experience, and complex trauma to recognize when I’m being taken advantage of or deceived. As an ex-simp, I knew better.
  
• Even then, I have to forgive myself sometimes for bad choices. Not only did I have huge gaps in my knowledge (“unknown unknowns”), my thought processes in December 2022 and early 2023 were clouded by Optimism, Hope, and Change.

All that being said, despite all demoralizing dating bullshit that I have experienced before, during, and after pursing residency in Colombia, it’s OK to have SOME hope in life, because Hope keeps a man going. “A hopeless man is often a dangerous man”, and I am not yet ready to go down THAT path (from which there’s no return).

Final “Fuck You, Fuck Off” Letter

Below is the final letter that I sent the phony bitch Yarelis (sometime in April or May 2023), for sake of closure. Obviously, I had translated it to Spanish first, before sending it to her via email AND having a physical copy delivered directly to her house by Uber courier.

Did She Read It?

Yes. Yes, she fucking read it. Based on her many attempts at contacting me again that day (directly via social media, via the security/lobby of my building, and via someone we both knew), she DID read the letter, and was probably angry or whatever, I didn’t give a fuck 🤷🏽‍♂️ I was already on a two-week trip to Medellin… where – lo and behold – another chica tried to extort me 😂

Did I Want Her Back?

Fuck NO! It was just my way of getting shit of my chest at that moment and getting some closure. That’s just how my brain and emotions work, and I make no apologies.

Why Was I Being “Nice” In The Letter?

Are you asking me why was I being relatively kind, using clean language, basically throwing pearls to swine… instead of hitting the soulless gold-digging bitch with vile, abusive, cheap insult-laden language, which is the only language that low-class, low-IQ, toxic trash people like her understand? Well, because I am not a “naturally mean” person (like so many other people are) 🤷🏽‍♂️ so I was using my natural “voice”, and – most importantly – it was fucking early 2023! 😅

Folks, remember, this all happened in the past, in early/mid 2023, when I was still a naive, optimistic, and hopeful NEWBIE to Colombia and their culture! Back then, I wasn’t quiet as knowledgeable, savvy, hardened, ruthless, and jaded as I am NOW that Colombia is finished with me. I was a different person back then, and “The past should not be judged by the standards of the present.”

Anyway, without further ado, here’s the full unedited letter. It’s a doozy, if I might say so myself. Feel free to take pee breaks 😂

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First of all, THANK YOU for helping me get Internet Service. And THANK YOU for connecting me with a bilingual person to assist me.

Over the 5 months and 3 weeks we were together, I stood by and listened while you told me negative things about me. Well, here are the things that you need to know about yourself and your behavior with me.

Even though I wrote you several letters explaining how I think and how I felt about you, they were basically ignored… NOTHING stuck in your mind. You didn’t ask me ANYTHING about those plans. NOTHING.

You were not willing to learn more English, so as to communicate better with me. After the first 2 weeks of dating, you stopped using a translator app to communicate better with me. A few months later, you started speaking really quickly, instead of slowing down or practicing English words and phrases.

You have a hot temper, something that I do NOT like. In fact, I specifically discussed this with you in December, because I cannot be with someone who has a hot temper. You assured me that we would have patience with each other.

That was one of your first lies.

You told me you liked beaches and wanted to go to Aruba for your birthday. This is the sort of trip that couples take after 6 months or a YEAR of commitment and monogamy, not after 2 months. Yet, I chose to take that big risk, to show you that I was serious about you. I spent a lot of my hard-earned money, lost several days of work, and took you on your first international trip. And YET you still refused to post any photos of the two of us together. To the outside world, you were still single and available. I didn’t even exist. And yet, you regularly posted – and STILL post – photos of “special days”, including photos of other men that you claim are “friends”. So your actual boyfriend isn’t “special”?

How insulting to me, for you to think I am THAT stupid.

Honestly, these two things – your refusal to cook for me, and refusal to “claim” me openly and publicly on Social Media (where you spend A LOT of time) after 5 months, were quite INSULTING. In fact, these are the two BIGGEST reasons that I lost interest in fully supporting you financially. The issue of Social Media was only the first thing that made me feel you were not being completely honest and transparent with me, nor committed to me as your REAL and ONLY boyfriend and prospective future husband. We didn’t live together, and you disappeared a lot. Sometimes I would be alerted of your activity on Facebook, while you ignored my messages from the previous 2 hours! Also, you always hid your phone messages from me, so that I couldn’t see who you’re communicating with.

Yarelis, I am not stupid nor naive. I know it’s “normal” in this country to have your “main” jobless irresponsible Colombian boyfriend PLUS a “gullible old foreigner” for financial support. Yes, I know all about the “amiguitos” concept. Is that what you were proposing that day that we met at Jumbo Americano mall? Maybe you should have been more explicit about that arrangement, so that I could have made an informed decision. So how many “amiguitos” have you had in your 31 years of life? 90? 200? 400? MORE than 400? It makes me sick to even think about it, but I made a *choice* to trust you and give you a fair chance. I thought if I was vulnerable and showed you what you COULD have if you were honest, transparent, and monogamous with me, you would change your ways. Instead, you continued to manipulate and deceive.

Recently I even offered to upgrade your cell phone plan, so that you could keep your data service always on, be more accessible, and respond more quickly… but you never showed real interest in that. Probably because it would be MORE obvious that you were living a double-life, and much more difficult to deny.

I’m not calling you a liar, but your behavior was VERY “shady” and suspicious, and does not make someone trust you. Especially in a country that is full of liars, fraudsters, flakes, and ghosts. And especially since we didn’t live together.

When I explained some of your behavior to people – BOTH men and women, some who knew me personally, others who did not know me – all of them, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM – said the same thing: “That’s not your girlfriend, that’s probably a Discreet Prostitute, she is living a double life, and hiding you so that other men don’t stop pursuing her. All she really cares about is your spending habits. She’s not trying to understand you fully nor connect with you on a deeper level, because she doesn’t love you. It’s all an act – she is doing the bare minimum to keep you interested and keep at least some cash flowing”.

By the way, do you think I didn’t know you were texting other men while on my couch? Do you think that by letting me see only the message with your friend “Maria”, that I would not know what’s going on, even without needing to check your other WhatsApp message threads? Come on, Yarelis… I’m not stupid.

I’m not directly calling you a Discreet Prostitute, but some of your behavior was DEFINITELY “Discreet Prostitute” behavior. Especially in a country where a large percentage of women under 35 are prostitutes (even when they don’t HAVE to be) or engage in prostitute behavior!

After our first argument about food and cooking, I poured my heart out to you in a long text message. I explained very clearly and specifically the things that would make me feel happy, loved, and cherished. I listed out all the things that would make me feel that you were serious about our relationship, and make me trust you completely and without concerns. I listed all the ways I supported you (besides just financial), and would continue to support you (again, financially AND more), all the resources I could use to make your life better. I listed all the ways that I try to understand you better, and what I have learned. I reminded you that I don’t do “halfway Love”… I am either completely in 100%, or not at all.

Yet, you did and said nothing. When I asked you what you thought of my letter, your text message response was, “Esta bien, amor”. You didn’t respond with any follow-up questions, nor any attempts to understand things better. But you later came over for sex, food, and money. Imagine that! I immediately got the feeling that you didn’t even READ the letter at all. Later, when I tried to initiate the conversation again (verbally and gently), you got emotional, defensive, angry, and started crying… all classic tactics to guilt-trip and manipulate me into dropping the subject. I dropped it, for the sake of peace.

But did you think I wasn’t paying attention and taking notes? Do you think that I am a fool, Yarelis?

You kept saying how much you love me, and so on. But in the end, your behavior and actions did not match your words. It was all FAKE, all acting. Just like your fellow pathetic afro-Colombians, you still have a “slave mentality”, and you have no idea what Love or Commitment are. You have no idea what it means to build a future with a Good, Stable man, day by day, week by week. You have no idea about the dedication and discipline needed to maintain and grow a romantic relationship.

All you care about is loud parties, makeup, clothes, sex with multiple men, gifts, and money.

What a shame. Sorry, but I did not come to Colombia to have sex and buy clothes. I don’t need you specifically for sex, because official sex workers exist AND I could get non-prepago dates if I chose to focus more energy on that (but I chose not to, because I have different priorities).

Later, after our second big misunderstanding, I even offered to pay for your dental hygiene, your gym membership (again), but you were not interested. What could be more important than your long-term physical health? Obviously you were not serious about maintaining your physical health… you were going to the gym occasionally only to show off your body and take photos for Instagram, to attract men, that’s all. Just like the majority of young narcissistic women in this country.

Anyway, let me tell you what happened on that day on which we were supposed to go out for a fancy dinner. The handyman was on his way, and over lunch (which I paid for, per usual) you were trying to convince me to cancel the handyman project. You never asked me about WHY I was fixing or changing some things in my apartment. You were only interested in the fact that I was paying him. I calmly told you I didn’t want to argue about this, that we should enjoy our rare day together and enjoy our fancy dinner outing later that night. But you persisted. All you did was yell and shout in full-speed Costenol, which you already knew I had a hard time understanding. You never calmly ASKED me, nor LISTENED for the answer with intent to understand. Are you not studying Psychology? If you had asked me, if you had gotten to KNOW me, you would have known that I was planning on buying the apartment, and turning it into an AirBnB. You would have known the specific reasons I was paying to change specific things in my apartment, for my safety, comfort, and investment.

No, you didn’t care to ask or understand ANYTHING. All you cared about was that I was paying the worker instead of giving all that money to YOU. And that fact made you SO ANGRY! You said I don’t respect your opinion… Even though your opinions were based on LACK OF INFORMATION and CONTEXT. If you had slowed down, calmed down, and kept your promise to communicate with me using Patience, Understanding, and a bit of that Psychology that you’re studying… you would have already understood why I do things in a certain way. But you didn’t even TRY.

What a shame.

That day, in preparation for our night out, I had decided to show you my potential once again. I had planned an early 6-month Anniversary outing. I had already made a reservation at a fancy restaurant – Restaurante Villa Alcatraz – combining 2 of your favorite things: Beach ambiance and Seafood. I had reserved a private space so we could have some quiet time outside the apartment for a change. I had arranged with the restaurant owner to hire a small band (2 people plus singer) just for us. I had written you a love poem, and had it professionally translated, and had the singer make it part of his performance! I did all this the previous week (the week that my stomach was hurting really badly), and finalized it that Friday after picking up my glasses. Also, I bought multiple gift cards to your favorite clothing shops. Remember I said, “Yes, we’ll buy jeans soon, I promise”? Remember, I rarely make promises, because I am honor-bound to always keep my promises. Despite all my concerns and trust issues, I was going to surprise you with all these things, which were not cheap AT ALL. But I thought to myself, “Maybe if I show her one more time, in HER Love Language, she will adjust her behavior and BE with me 100%. After all, what is money for, if not to improve our lives and get new experiences, especially with loved ones”?

When you started shouting at me in full-speed Costenol about how I spend MY money, I told you I didn’t want to argue, hoping that you would calm down and see the wonderful surprise I had for you later that night. But, you blocked me, unfriended me from Facebook, put on your “booty shorts” (for your other boyfriends, I guess) and left.

You did all these things and left so easily because, of course, the relationship was not real for you. It was NEVER real for you. You have other “boyfriends” who are probably more mindlessly extravagant with you, and expect nothing in return but dates, sex, and the usual fake “te amo”.

Funny enough, you will never know the truth about my resources, both here and in the USA. You’ll never know what I could have done for you AND your entire family. However, here in Colombia, I live on a strict budget, in a cheap estrato 4 apartment, and I often dress very casually or even “rough”. I do this because I am paranoid about being targeted. I don’t want to draw unwanted attention nor throw my money away on superficial nonsense. I chose to “live like a local”, so that I could make genuine friends and find a real wife, not get taken advantage of by superficial deceitful women who only want my money. I know those types of women are everywhere in Colombia, but I wanted to try to find that special, serious, committed woman who would stick by me even when things are difficult, just like my parents did. I come from poverty as well, so, regardless of a person’s history, I believe that everyone deserves a chance to transcend their past and achieve a more glorious future with a good partner by their side. I thought that you would SEE that I could be that partner for you, but obviously I was completely wrong.

You have COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PRIORITIES.

So, THANK YOU for confirming my suspicions and showing me your true colors that day May 27th, 2023, so that I could cancel the reservation early, get refunds for the gift cards, and vow to never spend a single hard-earned cent on you ever again. You don’t deserve it, because you don’t want to EARN it as a LEGITIMATE partner. I laid down a “foundation of love”, opened my heart AND my home to you – you had a door code and full access to my apartment 24/7 – and you treated me like little more than a fuck-buddy. I extended my Love and Trust to you, you wasted my time, but it’s OK, I accepted the risk and paid the price.

In summary, think about this: Why should I continue to give my love and fully financially support a woman who:

• Doesn’t live with me
• Doesn’t make more effort to understand me better (by using a translator app or learning more English), the same way I make a strong effort to understand her better
• Doesn’t care to understand me better and WHY my priorities are as they are
• Is emotionally selfish and manipulative
• Refuses to cook specifically for me
• Doesn’t share her phone message history with me
• Doesn’t publicly post ANY photos of us together. NONE. NOT ONE. Not even on an international trip.
• Goes out or dances with other male “friends”
• Is unreachable most times, so cannot respond in cases of emergency
• Turns her data off and disappears for HOURS or even DAYS

I am sometimes slow, but, believe me, I am NOT stupid.

So, what will happen in your future? I promise you, you will NEVER meet another man like me. That is, a fellow negro man who has GENUINE Love in his heart, and only asks the same in return before sharing ALL his resources with you. Obviously, you sister and basically all your female friends are single mothers, abandoned by useless Colombians or dishonest foreigners who threw some money and mountains of lies at them. It sounds like that’s how YOU will be as well, because that’s all you have seen around you, THAT is the life you understand, and THAT will likely be your own destiny. I’m sure by now you’ve found another lonely foreigner, and your process of deceit will start all over again. Despite your Psychology studies, it seems like you are still stuck in that myopic “black poverty mentality”. You were unable to recognize and APPRECIATE a gift that the Universe gave you via a random connection on Bumble. You had an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to change your life for the better with the support of an honest, resourceful Nigerian-American man, a man who understands how it is to be poor AND homeless, but who rose up and did well (relatively speaking) in Technology and other investments. You got an opportunity that FEW (if any) afro-Colombians will ever get. And you threw it all away… for what? Because I wasn’t giving you more money and a fake superficial extravagant lifestyle to feed your narcissism?

What a shame.

HOWEVER… Despite everything, despite all the disappointment and anxiety you brought to my life, even though you turned out to be a fake and deceitful person, we had some wonderful experiences together. For the sake of Positive Energy, I will cling to the SPIRIT of those specific good times. At least until I make better memories with a better, more intelligent, and legitimate woman.

I wish you Good Luck in your life, Yarelis.

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