I already mentioned this idea in one of my first posts, however it is worth explaining a bit more, especially now that I have lived in Barranquilla for over a year and gone through some quite difficult and eye-opening, yet educational experiences.

The idea described in this article is definitely something that you MUST keep in mind when consuming blogs, especially travel blogs!

Baggage and Biases

I assume you’re an adult, so you probably already know this basic fact:

The way a person is perceived and treated by other human beings is highly subjective.

It is often based on immutable characteristics such as their skin color, body shape/height, voice pitch, and facial features (especially their neutral or “resting face”). We have ZERO control over these often-inaccurate perceptions, because our species is made up of individuals, and almost all adults have baggage and biases of some kind or another that colors their perceptions.

Classic example: Person A could tell a joke, and get laughs and be regarded as cool, while person B could tell THE EXACT SAME JOKE, with the exact same cadence/delivery/timing, and get booed or seen in a negative light.

Now think about traveling to a foreign country. A light-skinned, conventionally-attractive female North American will be regarded and treated differently from a dark-skinned, rugged male Central African. The former will most likely be fully accepted and loved, while the latter is more likely to be rejected, or at best, tolerated (let’s not try to be Politically Correct about this, this discrimination is a daily reality around the world).

Is it fair? Of course not. But it’s undeniably HUMAN, and it’s based on Evolutionary Psychology. And that’s the point of this article:

The wide phenotypical variations (“observable expressions”) between individual human beings, combined with socialization and pre-conceived notions, means that one person’s inter-human interactions and overall experiences might be – and often are – quite different from those of another person.

This holds true even between individuals within the same demographic.

The “Law of Attraction”

You might have heard someone – or more likely, SEVERAL people – say something to the effect of:

• “One’s personality helps dictate interactions with others, regardless of where one is located.”
• “You attract what you are”
• “People with similar energy are drawn together”.
• “Like attracts like”

The people sharing this Law of Attraction (“LoA”) philosophy probably mean well, but… listen, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that it’s complete bullshit, because I don’t think it’s COMPLETE bullshit… but at the same time, that philosophy has little bearing on reality.

I’ll tell you why.

Like I mentioned in the previous section, when it comes to interacting with other human beings, the results of said interactions – or attempts at interactions – there is no “one size fits all” singular guide or rule. They can – and usually do – vary from person to person.

The LoA completely ignores basic truths, such as culture, race, economic backgrounds, and gender. Among other things, it also ignores the stark realities of life […]

Kieran Hunter

The unfortunate fact is that most times, people don’t even get a chance to show their personality… because they’ve ALREADY been prejudged and categorized (one way or another) by others, based on external appearance and immutable characteristics, and consequently deemed worthy or unworthy of being treated like a fellow normal human being.

This is based on System-1 Thinking, a well-studied human fast-thinking process that’s still rooted in our “caveman brains”. This was a GREAT self-defense feature in the prehistoric and pre-modern era of human societal evolution, but it is often a defect in our modern, more complicated and interconnected era.

Most modern and progressive societies recognize this. That is why they have – for example – anti-discrimination laws that attempt to make it more difficult to discriminate based on a variety of factors, most especially skin color or ethnicity. That is why, without such laws and actual enforcement, there is deep, systemic, color-based classism in Colombia, and outright blatant, consequence-free, dehumanizing racism in China, Japan, and other Asian countries.

This is also why a person can be their Best Selves, put out “Positive Energy”, do everything they’ve been advised to do in order to connect with other Positive People or find success… and STILL fail.

Summary

While you research your travel destinations, and inevitably read or hear about other peoples’ experiences in other countries, keep this in mind:

1. The way a person is treated, their overall experiences and outcomes, are often driven by Immutable Characteristics. To be even more specific, the “Law of Attraction” philosophy does not hold water in the real world: a person could be Their Best Self, and still – due to no fault of theirs – never attract Good People nor Positive Outcomes.
   
2. That person’s subjective experiences – good or bad – are just as real and legitimate as anyone else’s. It is illogical to credit, praise, deny, denigrate, scold, or victim-blame them for reactions over which they have ZERO control.

You MUST understand this extremely important concept, in order to properly contextualize this (and other) travel blogs, videos, and anecdotes.

The subjective part of this blog is written from MY admittedly niche perspective as a middle-aged, cis-gendered heterosexual, fairly intelligent, budget-minded, physically capable, single, non-stereotypical Nigerian-American immigrant who was born and raised in Nigeria till age 17, and who has lived in the USA for 31 years. Every subjective statement in this blog reflects MY reality, it reflects how I am perceived and treated, largely based on immutable characteristics.

It’s human nature to compare other peoples’ experiences to YOURS. It’s also very tempting to fall back on the myopic mindset of, “Oh, that never happened to me, I never saw in my reality, so it must be untrue or exaggerated”. Well, try your best to NOT do that. Don’t victim-blame (nor “winner-praise”). Don’t minimize, mock, dismiss, nor denigrate. Peoples’ experiences – good or bad – are just as real as yours and are worthy of being heard, appreciated, and possibly learned from.

Anyway, I think I made my point. Cheers, and see you in the next article!